Loyalty
by Seen and Unseen
Summary: As Ciel finds himself slowly succumbing to what he can only call insanity, he is forced to wonder at how far Sebastian's loyalty to him extends, and for how long the demon will be at his side. Sebastian/Older!Ciel, as well as something that might be Ciel/Lizzy if you squint at it long enough.
1. Almost

**Hello all!  
This is Ari's attempt at real Kuroshitsuji fanfic - that is, multi-chapter, not-a-random-headcannon fic.  
Definite Sebastian/Older!Ciel (he's seventeen) with something that could be Ciel/Lizzy, later… this story has a mind of its own. I tried to keep them as in-character as possible, but criticism is very welcome. **

**Warnings: As usual, dark. Very dark, this time. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Yana's.**

Seven years later, Ciel Phantomhive couldn't forget the smell.

Not the pain – that had faded in his memory to a dull blur. Nor the sights – though it was true that masked figures still haunted his dreams.  
No. It was the stench of his own burning skin beneath the branding iron that still lingered under his tongue, heavy and cloying even when the dreams ended. Even in the nightmares, there was no pain, but that horrible scent, as he burned away before his eyes, silent screams, and as he awoke, he scarcely noticed that his voice had returned –

"Sebastian!"

And he awoke looking for something to cling to.

"Master." And of course, _he _was there, and Ciel hid his face, shame and fury both staining it. "Was there something you required of me?"

He scowled, more annoyed with himself than with the demon. "N – No. Don't be foolish. It was merely a nightmare, that's all."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "It seems to have upset the young master considerably."

He turned to one side, away from both the servant and the candles he held. "Know your place," he said, but didn't give it the force of an order. "It's none of your concern…" His voice trailed into silence. It seemed even now, the candle flame mocked him. Suddenly, the room was full of memories, reaching to seize him and pull him under.  
Ciel didn't know if he'd ever come back up.

"Sebastian," he said, still refusing to meet his eyes. "What will happen if – when – I finally lose my grip?"

Melodious laughter. "Why do you worry about such a thing, master?" As though he knew what had prompted this, Sebastian set the candles down on a nearby table. His voice was lightly amused, but his eyes gave him away – for a slight instant, they were the color of embers.  
Ciel sensed this without needing to turn. Even without the mental link the covenant had forged between them, the seven years at the other's side had instilled a deep knowledge of anything he felt, if demons could feel.  
They truly did belong to each other, in every way.  
It was this knowledge that allowed the seventeen-year-old Earl to speak.

"I hardly know what is real and what is nightmare anymore," he said, a slight break in his voice. "Someday soon… the two worlds will blur together entirely."

"Are you afraid of what will happen, then?"

"I am not," said Ciel, cold determination shining somewhere within him. It had climbed through anger and left behind fierce pride. "I have clung to life without fail for seven years. Clinging to reality is no different."

"We will see," said Sebastian impassively. "But you forget something, bocchan." He smiled when Ciel finally looked back at him. "It does not matter how far you may fall into insanity, or how far your wounded soul is pushed over the edge. After all, I am by your side forever, at your command until this final game ends – no matter what may happen."

The smile that passed between them was not warm. It was far from loving. A cold, manipulative curl of Ciel's lips and a smirk on Sebastian's features that revealed his true nature, that was all.  
But perhaps that was their own kind of love.  
Because when Sebastian turned to go, Ciel realized something.  
He wanted to kiss him.  
And perhaps his earlier thought should be amended. The two were bound inextricably together, yes. Sebastian was his to command, body and soul, and one day, the tables would be turned upon him.  
But he did not own the demon's heart.  
The door closed. In the darkness, Ciel almost laughed.  
Almost.


	2. Blood Roses

**Chapter two… straight forward, then. My sincere thanks to everyone who read or is reading this… really. I appreciate it, a lot.**

**This might be a bit longer than the last chapter. **

**This is not mine, I do not own it whatsoever.**

Their midnight conversation was left to the shadows. Sebastian did not mention it, and Ciel was too exhausted from the scarce rest he had received to do much but follow his lead. He had enough to worry about without fear of his own mind. Lessons might have ceased at his sixteenth birthday, but the factories had not. Reports, employees, product orders, and of course, tasks from the Queen – that was his life now.  
Tedium. Danger. A neverending quest for revenge.  
And, of course, the nightmares. They took up so much of his life.

Ciel sighed and pushed away the papers before him. He had little time to waste, but the teen couldn't bring himself to care. Instead, he stood and made his way to his study window, looking out expressionlessly at the gardens. They had burned once. Perhaps they would again.  
Wood smoke was a much more agreeable scent.  
It was summer, this time – the traces from this blaze would spread considerably farther. One small flame. One dry twig. Then everything would be gone, leaving him exactly as he was as a child – with nothing left to lose.

He laughed sharply. Despite what he'd said to Sebastian, this frightened him more than he cared to admit to himself. Not the idea of everything being lost, no. The fact that he could see himself as the one destroying it.

"Master?"

Ciel didn't respond. Sebastian would say whatever it was and then go.

"I thought you would wish to be forewarned – the lady Elizabeth is planning a surprise visit within the hour."

This, at least, elicited a reaction – a sigh, colored slightly with exasperated affection. "Is she now?" One side of his mouth quirked up. "Make sure you put anything she can find a way to make _pink_ out of her reach." He remained facing the window, hiding his one visible eye from Sebastian – though it was pointless. Ciel knew that the demon found his attachment to his betrothed somewhere between amusing and endearing.

"I believe," said Sebastian, his voice showing no trace of this, "she wishes to plan for your wedding."

Ciel froze, all positive emotion gone. "My – but – " He broke off helplessly. He had been told from the age of two that he would marry Elizabeth someday. It had never occurred to him that that 'someday' would be a reality. Naïve, he realized now, but true. How was he going to tell her that he _couldn't _marry her? Sebastian had noticed his silence.

"Whatever is the matter?"

"I – she – "

"Is such an arrangement so terrible? You clearly care for the lady, as you've proven many times over these past years."

For a moment, Ciel thought. Such a situation wouldn't be so awful, he did not deny that. He might find Elizabeth's femininity and shrillness irritating at first, but he would manage somehow. And the thought of seeing her smile – innocent and happy – on the day of their wedding gave him pause. He could marry Lizzy. He wouldn't need to worry about her safety in the world he lived in – she had proven that to him when they were no more than thirteen. He could live out his life with her – whatever was left of it. But then he would die. Likely within a few years of their marriage. Scarcely even enough time to leave her a widow with his child. And besides that… he did not love her as he should. He wasn't even sure he was capable of love. The secrets between them were too deep – how could he marry someone whom he could never explain his absences to, never even show his right eye? The only being he had no secrets from was Sebastian - He stopped that thought in its tracks. The demon still awaited an answer.

"I cannot." He turned to face him, and their eyes met. Sebastian broke the silence first.

"So noble, to spare her the pain of your death?" He spoke of the day their contract would end without pause or shame.

"Of course not." Ciel narrowed his left eye. "I do not pretend my motives are nobility. I've lied to enough people without lying to myself as well."

Amusement flashed in ruby eyes, and suddenly, Ciel had the feeling that he knew everything. Had seen into the soul he would take for his own, knew every emotion his master had, and had filed this information away for later use. It was not a pleasant feeling.

"And what does my master believe his motives are?"

His face was far too close. Ciel scowled.

"You can figure those out for yourself. Now go and prepare to welcome Elizabeth." He pushed him away, turned on his heel, and returned to his desk.

"CIELLLLLLL!" A blur of rose-colored dress and blonde ringlets enveloped him. She was two inches shorter than he was, now, and had aged into quite the beauty. He fiancé allowed himself to be spun around by her exuberance. "Hello, Lizzy," he said, even more weakly than usual. Would she still react like this when she saw him next?

"Aren't you finally going to give me a ring? You're going to be of age in half a year, that's not very long, and – ooh, what color will it be?"

"A – ring?"

"For the wedding, silly boy! It's going to be so wonderful, everything will be cute!" She beamed at him, green eyes sparkling. "Pretty please, Ciel?"

"H – hang on a moment, you only just got in the door – "

"Oh, of course!" She suddenly stood still and clasped her hands, the very image of a demure lady. "It's good to see you again." She bobbed a curtsy.

He allowed a slight smile. "As it is to see you."

"So, aren't we going to plan the wedding?" She smiled. "And Edward will have to come, even if he doesn't want to, because I'll make him."

Ciel winced. "Look, Lizzy, I –"

She was already running past him. "Let's go to the garden. Will there be roses? Of course, there have to be, red and pink, we'll have to have those at the wedding too, of course, they're dreadfully cute." Ciel didn't even have time to interject when she stopped to breathe – he was already being dragged across the hall.

The roses she wished to see were still there – scarlet stains on the greenery that reminded him of blood. Lizzy skipped through them like a butterfly or hummingbird, never ceasing to move.

"Ciel, look!" She held up an opening rose, crimson petals falling like liquid to the ground. He watched their flight –

- _Drops of blood falling onto marble stone, spraying across the ones left, and some of them, with the light of insanity in their eyes (insanity that they would all fall to, it was only a matter of time) lifting the pools of red to their faces – so hungry – and those who were old enough or new enough to understand still crying, and his dry, empty eyes staring at it all, blood, tears, and the shell of the once-child on the altar, still curled as though to protect herself –_

"Here, Ciel!"

And Lizzy was there, wide green eyes, and a bloody rose in her hand. She smiled at him, tucking the flower onto his summer jacket, or trying to. He hit her hands away.

"Don't put that on me."

If she had been watching, she would have seen the warning in his blue eye. But she wasn't – just as she hadn't been, five years ago – and she continued as though nothing had happened.

"Aww, it's so cute! Why won't you wear it?"

Another petal fell, and a wave of dizziness and nausea hit him.

"Put that flower away, Elizabeth." He closed his eyes. "Now."

"But – "

"Now!"

She blinked in shock. "A – all right. Would you rather a pink one?" She pulled another rose, leaving a gap in the hedge, but Ciel had turned away.

"Leave me alone, Elizabeth." He squeezed his eyes tighter shut against the onslaught of images.

"I –" She reached for his arm. "What's wrong?" An instant, and she tried to embrace him.

"Let go."

"But – "

"Let. Go." Without stopping to think, he pushed her aside.  
As children, that would not have mattered. Ciel had been a tiny child, and even at seventeen he was lean and thin. But even so, now – he was taller, broader, than Lizzy was.

Stronger.

She knew how to fall. She had to know how to fall. But perhaps she had been so startled by his sudden motion, afraid of something in his face.

Whatever the reason, she stumbled back. Fell to the side across a stone bench, her eyes shocked as a bit of true blood appeared on her arm.

"C - Ciel." Her voice was a whisper.

He almost helped her up. He almost apologized, almost held her and told her it wasn't her fault, and not to be upset.  
He didn't.  
He didn't want to.

A sudden hand gripped his shoulder. "Forgive us, my lady, but I believe you should go." Sebastian was cool and collected as ever, but he had Ciel in a tight grip. "My master wishes to retire for some time."

At this, the younger man did try to struggle free. "You – no – Let me go!"

"I cannot do so until you collect yourself," he said flatly. As they turned, Ciel ripped another rose from the hedge. The thorns bit into his hand, staining it red.

He tore the flower apart himself, silken petals tumbling to the ground like tears, leaving imprints of red under his nails.

Only then did he allow himself to be led away.

Despite what Sebastian had said, Elizabeth did not leave the garden immediately.

She fixed her rumpled clothes. Expertly bandaged the small cuts on her arm.

She still saw the expression on her fiancé's face. Anger, yes, but more pain. Such pain she had fallen back in fear.

Even after he had returned from the fire, she had never seen such pain.

So when she picked up the fallen petals, still torn and furrowed, she closed her eyes for a moment. The words escaped her like a prayer.

"Ciel Phantomhive," she whispered. "I don't know where you are… but please, come back to me."

The only answer was the rustle of rose petals.


	3. Confidences

**Onward and upward. My thanks to all reviewers, readers, followers, and favoriters – it's wonderful encouragement. **

**The disclaimer on the past two chapters is still in effect, as it always is. **

"Are you _quite_ finished?" Sebastian's face was impassive, but his eyes glinted in slight annoyance. "Or shall we spend more time indulging your childish tantrum?"

"I _ordered_ you to let me go!" Ciel was furious. He pulled himself to his full height – still several inches shorter than the demon, but tall enough to glare into deep ruby.

"As I have."

A sudden, angry slap. Of course, Ciel could hit him all day and not make a mark, but Sebastian only tolerated two blows before catching the younger man's wrists in an inescapable hold. He might struggle, but he would not be free until he ordered it or he calmed himself. Unimpressed red eyes watched his struggles for a moment, until Ciel petered out and sighed, leaning for just an instant against Sebastian's chest.

The servant looked back at him, then knelt to bandage the cuts the thorns had left on Ciel's hands. He allowed it, eyes half-closed, knowing he could expect a lecture.

"It is of little import what the Lady Elizabeth said or did," Sebastian said shortly, though his hands as always were gentle. "A noble _never _acts as such."

He tried to meet his eyes, but couldn't. Ciel knew quite well he had been in the wrong… but he knew just as well that if that had been the only way to stop Lizzy's antics, he would do it again. Memories still swirled behind his eyes, even now - memories he had no way to contain.

But the demon's voice softened. "Master. What happened to upset you so?"

Silence. Ciel made no move to tell him, instead turning bitterly towards the hearth in his study. He pressed one hand to the patch over his right eye as though the contract seal hurt him.

Finally, he looked back.

"Like my motives, you can figure that out for yourself."

This time, however, that wasn't enough to quiet Sebastian. He doubted it ever had been, really.

"Clearly, the master has been upset for some time," said his smooth voice. "Would this have something to do with our conversation of last night?"

Ciel tried to find a scathing remark and deliver it without his voice breaking. Instead of managing that feat, he let the silence stretch for far too long. This gave Sebastian as much of an answer as anything.

"I see."

_No you don't,_ thought Ciel, but he said nothing.

So it startled him considerably when the other man smiled. He felt a wave of what could only be _comfort._

"Of all the things to finally bring down the Earl of Phantomhive, memories will not be one of them," said Sebastian calmly. "I believe even you know yourself well enough to know that."

For an instant, Ciel almost confided in him – truly confided in him. He thought about arguing with his certainty, explaining why he wasn't so sure. Revealing his soul to the only one he trusted.

But he couldn't.

This time, it wasn't that he wasn't willing to.

He didn't remember how.

Ciel bowed his head. All he could do was give orders. Sebastian would understand what he meant to say, that he was truly giving him confidence in the only way he knew how.

"I don't want the red roses in the garden anymore," he said. "Any other color will do, white, yellow, I don't care. Replace them. They look like bloodstains the way they are now."

Sebastian nodded, bowed. "Of course, sir." Ciel hoped he had understood – but what was he thinking? Sebastian knew everything his master thought.

He was right about that. For when he awoke the next morning, several minutes before his servant was to awaken him, a rose lay beside his head. Its petals were soft as silk, with no hint of wilt.

The entire flower was a pure, beautiful ebony.


	4. Diamonds

**Hello everyone! Been a little longer this time – and it might get worse, I have to admit. I've only written this far in the story. But I'm planning on writing whenever I have the time (Math class, perhaps?) so I'll try to post as often as I can. **

**A note on the universe – mostly manga, but I suppose the events from the anime up until around episode 16 also happened.**

**Warnings for this chapter: Violence**

**This belongs to its rightful owners.**

The next few days blurred into nothing – or at least, that was how it felt to Ciel. Work, tedium, the occasional moments of strange connection between himself and Sebastian. Flashes of guilt for how he had left things with Elizabeth – not only had he not explained things to her, he had pushed her away and physically hurt her. His sleep was full of nightmares – though Sebastian had not returned to his room since.

The jet flower, however, showed no sign of wilt or decay.

Exactly a week from the incident with Elizabeth, the next letter from the Queen arrived.

This time, it was another smuggling case. He accepted the letter from Double Charles without questions – it would become clear enough once he read it.

As it did. Diamonds were the object this time, smuggled from Amsterdam in cargo ships – interesting, but simple enough. Ciel could use a purpose for a while – it didn't matter how fixated he was on revenge, if his plan was going nowhere, he had nothing to occupy himself with. He drifted.

He turned the letter over in his hands, thinking.

"Sebastian, find the details of ships from Holland along the coast," he said, detached. "We might have to go there in person later."

"Of course, sir."

Diamonds were funny things, thought Ciel once he had gone. Beautiful enough. Strong – a quick flash of memory hit him, painless this time – and _brittle._ Like the ice he had been standing on at the time he learned that from Undertaker, they shattered because of the very strength that made them so sought-after.

Diamonds symbolized romance as well, he thought – hadn't Lizzy asked him for a diamond ring? He smiled sharply, looking at the blue stone on his finger. His ring was far from romantic – it was more of a burden, a memory in its own right.

Perhaps.

He rose from his chair and glanced around. No matter what ended up happening, this ought to be interesting.

Ciel drummed his fingers impatiently on the side of the carriage door, looking out at the clouded countryside. "I fail to see why we didn't travel by train, Sebastian," he said flatly. "This takes longer, and it's hardly efficient for traveling across the country like this."

"Ah, but my master's health is delicate," said Sebastian, unfazed. "A crowded train full of other people would displease him."

A scoff from Ciel, but he didn't argue the point. The hand not on the door turned an uncut diamond over, the sharp-edged crystal casting strange shadows on the slight light that touched it.

"Besides, we will be arriving within the hour – it is hardly the time to change our means of transport."

Ciel nodded, staring at the unchanging landscape. The diamond's shadows splintered into several facets, then became whole again.

He wondered if that had happened to him. If it _would_ happen to him.

He wondered if he cared.

The next hour passed as quickly and easily as the rest of the ride. By the time they arrived in Southampton, a fairly large shipping port, Ciel was dusty and irritated. He stowed the diamond away and turned to Sebastian.

"You've found an inn for us to stay in, haven't you?"

"Indeed."

He glared at the docks. There should have been many more ships than there were, he realized – rumors of the smugglings had likely brought about more stringent security, which would lead to fewer imports. The empty, silent workplace was a little eerie, he thought, watching the sole fisherman in his line of vision. The carriage swayed a bit as they turned from the sea, and Ciel grimaced. The sooner he was out of here, the better.

In the more sheltered roads, it was hardly more reassuring. The silence pressed in, making his skin crawl, but he knew better than to break it - Several ragged townspeople glared at them from behind broken windows, and he didn't want to do anything that might push the quiet into something worse.

But it appeared the situation didn't need Ciel's help to go wrong, and quickly.

"Oi! State your business here!" The voice was rough, issuing from an even rougher-looking man. He crossed his arms, glaring at the driver as though that alone would stop him.

Apparently, it would. The horses were reined in, to Ciel's surprise and Sebastian's slight irritation. The former raised one eyebrow.

"We come on business from the Queen, which is none of your concern," he called. "What is the meaning of this?"

"What's the meanin' of your meddling?" He glared, and Sebastian sighed.

"I don't need to tell you his intentions, do I, master?"

"No." Ciel frowned. "But we don't want to call attention to ourselves. Don't attack until they do, understood?"

A cool nod. Outside, the man was still speaking. "Well?"

"Let us pass," said Ciel boredly, but his hand reached for the small pistol he kept. "As I said, this is no concern of yours."

"Oh, but we're quite willing to make it our concern," said the man. "Especially if you're here to bother with the restrictions on trading. That's our business, not some Londoner's."

"And what would you know about that?" Ciel smirked. "So even those as low as you have heard the rumors. Interesting."

"Much though I hate to end this conversation," he said, "Go back to where you came from, noble. You're not wanted."

A scoff, and the Earl beckoned for the driver to continue.

The next thing he knew, he was pressed against the floor of the carriage, Sebastian having flung them to the ground. He had half-expected this, but that didn't stop him from flinching as the gunshot tore through the window above them.

"Are you quite all right?" Sebastian's face was, once again, far too close. Ciel was suddenly very aware of the fact that, as he always did, the demon had protected him by essentially falling atop him.

"I'm fine!" He said with perhaps too much acting. "Just go get rid of them. They'll be a pain later if we don't appear strong, but don't kill them if you can avoid it."

"Of course, my lord." Sebastian vanished without another word. Ciel quickly loaded the pistol and waited.

There were many of them – it seemed everyone in the immediate area had come to help. And many of those were quite capable. Nothing touched him, of course – no human, no matter how skilled, would manage that – but bullets rocked the frame of the carriage.

And then a figure appeared. It didn't target him, perhaps to throw Sebastian off, but it lifted a dagger to the driver. The man didn't even have time to scream.

His blood spattered across Ciel's face, and even in death, his hands grasped at the front of the Earl's clothes as though asking for help. Ciel pushed the body away, feeling suddenly ill and dizzy.

_Hands out, reaching for help – hit away as they shrank back, hoping not to be the one killed that day. No one had taken his hand until –_

Without stopping or hesitating, he shot the attacker through the head. This one coughed, falling a little to one side.  
Ciel closed his eyes. He still felt the warmth of the blood, though. So he shot again. And again. And again.

Die. Stop. Stop bleeding. Stop bringing back the memories. Get rid of them. Die.

Ciel stopped only when Sebastian's hands pulled the gun from his grip. Throughout the slaughter, he never opened his eyes.

"Master." The voice was not upset, but confused. It was well-hidden, but Sebastian was startled. "Are you all right?"

Ciel's breath caught.

And then he found himself in Sebastian's arms, half-cradled like he was still ten, the blood of their enemies staining them as rain finally began to fall.


	5. Echoes

**And on we go, in this fic that I admit to having no idea where it's going. Still, it should be interesting, wherever it ends up. My thanks to all my readers – I'm still somewhat awed that people in countries I've never seen are reading this, and grateful as well.**

**Criticism is welcome – if you don't like something, feel free to tell me about it. If you do, tell me that too! **

**I don't own this. **

"Master – we should get inside before you fall ill from the rain." Sebastian's voice was calm and matter-of-fact, as though Ciel hadn't suddenly collapsed upon him, bloodstained and shaking. This was perhaps the most comforting thing of all. "You will likely catch a cold if this continues on." The demon pulled him gently to his feet.

"I can walk, let go." Ciel reopened his eyes with a struggle. "I don't need to be carried." At his servant's nod, he pushed himself forward.

By the time they reached the inn, he was shaking twice as much as he had been. Sebastian exchanged quick words with the owner, and then simply sighed. "Master, are you going to be stubborn, or shall I assist you?"

"You will do no such thing. I am not a child." To Ciel's slight satisfaction, he managed to walk to the room without help, and he turned triumphantly to Sebastian. "Draw me a bath, my clothes are filthy."

A brief flash of something that might have been amusement, satisfaction, contentedness, or all three flickered on the demon's features. "Of course, sir."

The teen Earl waited until he had left to the adjacent washroom before walking to the window. Raindrops scattered down the glass, distorting his faint reflection, and he heard a quiet echo of the yells of their adversaries. Echoes… perhaps not only of today's battle, but of other things, things he'd rather push away.

Was he going to live his life in the past? He had no intention of forgetting it, but it seemed the opposite was happening.

And how long could he hold out against his own mind?

"Master, your bath is ready." Ciel jumped a bit at the more familiar voice, and nodded, walking past him without a sideways glance. It hardly mattered, anyway, and he had more important things to be thinking about.

"We won't be going anywhere today – we've attracted too much attention to ourselves. Tomorrow we can visit the docks and gather more information, but it's best to lie low for a few hours." He strode into the adjacent room, grimacing at his bloodied clothes. "And if these can be saved, do try to – " Suddenly, he was dizzy and exhausted, the turmoil in his mind spreading to his body. "Try to clean – "

He hadn't realized that he was falling over until Sebastian caught him.

Sebastian was doing that far too often of late.

"Master. You are going to end up injuring yourself if you continue to be so prideful." Ciel didn't try to struggle in the older man's arms, but scowled furiously, only half-listening. "As a butler, I cannot allow you to come to harm." Without the slightest hesitation, he undressed Ciel as he had many times before the Earl insisted on bathing himself, ignoring the sound of protest. "As I told you more than seven years ago, it would do to keep your obstinacy in check. It would be highly inconvenient were you to wear yourself down now." He half-lifted him into the bath, smirking to see that Ciel had given up and permitted it.

Silence for a moment, as Sebastian gently scrubbed the blood from his master. The echoes of rain outside were far more soothing than the old voices and cries… but Ciel's musings on the subject were interrupted by a voice he knew well.

"If I may be so bold, what brought that on?" Sebastian spoke, again, as if 'that' were a game of chess or an unusual decision on a business contract. "I have never seen you act as such, and I know that you are no stranger to killing."

Another brief silence. Ciel sighed slightly before turning to him. "I would think, with your powers of reasoning, you would realize the connection between this and our conversation before, as well as with the incident a week ago." He reclosed his eyes, sinking a bit lower into the water. "I can't say that I didn't give you sufficient warning."

A quiet sound – a chuckle, then musical laughter. Ciel looked up in shock.

"My master through and through, even as you begin to slip away." Sebastian caressed his cheek for an instant, a sardonic smile playing on his lips. "But no matter how much you may slip, I will be beside you."

Ciel opened both eyes, a lazy smile on his face. But it faltered, as he seemed to sink back into a reverie. "Why?" At Sebastian's startled look, he added, "Why? Because my soul is so much more delicious when it's flavored with insanity? Because it's what a butler should do? It is hardly in the contract. What is the reason for your decision?"

Sebastian only looked at him, ruby eyes enigmatic. He hesitated, as though thinking through his words.

"I find you, your soul, and your actions quite intriguing. I would not want to miss such a curious story – as you would be, descending into illusion."

Ciel thought this over. "I see." He smiled sadly. "Well, then, I shall do my utmost to make it a story worthy of a demon."

"I was hardly finished." Sebastian smiled. "You are intriguing to me in many ways, perhaps more so as a … companion than as a meal. I have little interest in eating your soul by now, I must say, when you have captured my interest after many centuries of boredom and idleness. And I find it rather displeasing to be separated from you for long. Thus I shall be at your side, even should the contract become nulled."

This took a moment to reassemble itself into a semblance of sense in Ciel's mind. As it did, Sebastian looked at him with amusement, then lifted him from the bath, dried and dressed him, and carried him easily to the main room.

"I shall see you on the morrow, my lord." For the slightest instant, the demon's lips brushed against Ciel's hand.

Then he turned and left the room, mismatched eyes staring after him in shock.

The sound of the closing door left scarcely a ripple among the echoes of the rain beyond.


	6. Findings

**Well… on we go. I'm honestly amazed this story even got this far – 'thank you' s to all the reviewers, readers, and everyone else. **** It's good inspiration – if I'd been writing this on my own, I'd never have gotten past the second chapter.**

**If you can't tell that this isn't mine… read the other disclaimers.**

"Are you two lookin' for passage?" The voice was as rough as most villagers', but its owner had recognized Ciel's expensive clothes and seen a chance for profit. He turned from the ship to scrutinize the two, and tossed down a piece of wood to indicate attention. "We sail aroun' the coast."

The day had dawned brighter than before, and though rumors had undoubtedly spread about the events of the past evening, they had met no trouble. Ciel was pleased, or pleased enough – the last thing he needed was more to occupy his thoughts. He was still trying to work out Sebastian's remarks from before, and the more he told himself to concentrate on the task at hand, the more he found himself wondering what exactly that meant, applied to them now. Was the contract still in effect if he was seen as more than a meal? That was unlikely – he had said "even should the contract become nulled," or something of the sort. And what did it mean, that he had _caught his interest_?

Enough. He had other things to worry about. "No, thank you. I merely wished to ask about the cargo you carried."

The man's eyes narrowed. "Cargo? What business is't –" he trailed off, remembering the promise of money. "Well, we carry few things a noblemen like yourself would find worth 'is while. Perhaps only a few objects, if ye have the money for 'em."

"And those objects would be?"

"If ye have to ask, ye aren't lookin' for them. Do ye want passage around the coast or not?"

Ciel narrowed his eyes, refusing to take the bait. "Who buys those objects from you, sailor?"

"Who wants to know?" The man's eyes closed off, no longer looking for business but for a way out. He spat to the side and glowered.

Ciel thought quickly. Most of the trading companies associated with Amsterdam were run by nobles – it would be easy to pass for one of them, especially with townsfolk who knew little about politics and business in the upper class. And with a little luck, this man would recognize the name of one of his benefactors. He already knew likely culprits – but could he guess at the right ones?

"My name is Rhodes. Alexander Rhodes," he said, adopting the surname of a man currently running a company mining diamonds in Africa. He believed that they had a base in Holland, as well – perhaps this would loosen his tongue.

It was not a wasted effort – the man's eyes narrowed slightly before he controlled his expression.

"I see. But ye can't have anything unless you pay for it, and if they show up as less than the expected quota, ye'll be makin' the excuses to your uncle."

A stroke of luck – he had chanced upon the right name. Ciel allowed himself a smile – apparently, this man believed that he was part of the company that was his livelihood. But that didn't mean he could relax – the sailor could well realize that "Alexander" had easier ways to obtain diamonds than directly from their smugglers in the first place.

"I have money," he said. "But I am here to know if there are any other companies buying these objects from you."

"Scoutin' out the sellers?" The sailor grimaced. "Come with me. But ye'd better have money, and ye'd better not be sniffin' for details to tell the Yard."

"I have no intention of informing the Yard of your activities," said Ciel with a smirk. That, at least, was true, if only for the moment. Once he found out more exact names and companies, if he didn't want to deal with them himself, he might tip off the police. But at the moment, they would only get in his way.

"C'mon, then. I can sell ye a few, but no more. Get the rest from yer uncle, and tell him that everythin's going to his standards here."

"I shall, then." Ciel, with Sebastian at his side, followed the man onto the ship without a blink. He turned imperceptibly towards the demon when he was sure the workman's back was to them. "Sebastian, search this ship for anything related to those buying the diamonds and those who run the smuggling ring," he murmured. "And meet me outside." The servant smiled and inclined his head, then vanished. Their companion appeared not to notice.

"Presume ye want 'em uncut?" They were wandering deeper into various storage holds, smelling of exotic spices and old fish, respectively. Ciel wrinkled his nose as his guide rummaged behind older crates, smiling when he produced several boxes of what appeared to be rye, only to shake the façade aside to produce rough stones. "Of course, every crate here has some compartment or other, on yer family's orders."

"Naturally," the Earl said. He held out a hand, smirking slightly, and offered a gold coin. The sailor squinted at it, nodded appreciatively, and dropped two of the dull crystals into his palm.

"Keep these hidden fer a while," he warned. "The shipment isn't meant to be collected for another week." He turned, business contract complete. "And I can expect ye to know to keep yer mouth shut."

Ciel didn't dignify that with an answer. He turned and walked unhesitatingly through the maze of the cargo hold, then stood calmly on the edge of the pier, stowing the diamonds in a pocket.

The rose was there, he realized. It had not wilted, nor had the stem snapped. It was interesting, indeed – but he had to concentrate on the matter at hand. No matter how much he laughed at the similarities of the diamonds to his own strong, brittle soul. No matter how much he wondered at the way the arrangement between himself and Sebastian was only getting stronger as the years passed. No matter how many memories and nightmares plagued him –

He had to concentrate on the matter at hand.

Sebastian reappeared at his side. "Master."

"Yes?"

"I have some findings you might think interesting."


	7. Kisses

**Good news, now – I actually got a few ideas of where to take this! (Miraculous, I know.) So while this probably doesn't mean very much for most of you as long as the story updates itself ;) trying to write without any sort of plan was driving me crazy – like playing chess without knowing where you're going. Updates, or writing at least, should be faster now. **

**I don't even own any of the official stuff. I guess I own a fisherman, now? But that's it. **

**Oh, and my usual thanks to everyone.**

Ciel turned to the demon. "Findings?"

In response, Sebastian held out a gloved hand. Inside was a pile of powder, pale gray and chalklike. "There were many containers made to store diamonds that instead contained this," he said, voice a low murmur. "I am not sure yet of its identity, but it appears to be a drug of some sort."

Ciel blinked. This was interesting indeed. Not only was the diamond smuggler hoarding other, perhaps more illegal things, it was quite possible that the companies who paid them were aware of this. Did they have a hand in it?

"Keep that for me," he said, narrowing his eyes. "I expect it has something to do with what we're looking for." The teen sighed. "We have the name of a company, as well as many ships carrying diamonds. In most situations this would be enough. But if there are drugs involved…" He trailed off. "I have no interest in staying here longer than is necessary, but we can't simply give these names to the Yard and hope for the best, it would be shabby work." He wasn't really speaking to Sebastian as much as he was himself – but then, he wouldn't be surprised if the demon knew his thoughts anyway. He grimaced. "Is there any way to figure out what that drug does?"

"I doubt it, master," said Sebastian, looking impassively at the stolen powder. "Save ingesting it, of course."

"I'll pass on that." He smirked. "This is interesting indeed. Let's go back to the inn, and then I'll want a list of other products these companies sell, as well as anything that might be a cover – perhaps Mr. Lau knows about that. And do try to avoid the locals again… we don't need another brawl."

"Of course, sir."

The walk was short, and Ciel wondered again as he passed the broken windows and glowering eyes. He was unafraid – but then, why should he be? He had Sebastian, and there was no way that he could be injured by any human – the demon needed his meal, after all.

Not a meal. The thought crashed down on him again. What was he, if not a meal, not a master?

No. He was always the master. He clung to that bit of power, still. He might not know why Sebastian stayed with him if he didn't seek food, but he gave the orders. He was in control.

Then why was he slipping away?

So deep in these thoughts, Ciel didn't bother to ask for the information upon arrival. Instead, he stood and watched the demon through narrowed eyes. He might not be able to ask him what he meant directly… but their contract did have slight advantages.

_Sebastian,_ he thought firmly, wondering if his servant would sense his thoughts, at least in abstract. He had never tried to do this when not a direct order, but it couldn't be that different. _I want you to tell me something._

Ruby eyes glanced at him. It _had _worked. The triumph was somewhat short-lived, however. If Sebastian could hear his mental demands when he wanted him to, who was to say that he wouldn't hear other things Ciel _didn't _want heard? But he needed to concentrate.

"What is troubling you?" The demon spoke aloud, voice soft and smooth as always.

"I…" Damn it, how would he explain this? "I don't understand what you told me earlier." _And that's the least of it. Sebastian, what did you _mean_? And why do I think it has more effect on our tangled relationship than the surface? And are you going to eat my soul or aren't you? What's going on? _ Once he began to question, he couldn't stop. _Even should the contract become nulled. How would that happen? And will you always be by my side then? Does that mean I can live out my life – but how? _

"Master," said Sebastian, placing two gloved hands on either side of his face. "Please, calm yourself." As though the words – or his touch – were a sedative, Ciel found himself doing just that. "If I had known that my statement would cause such a reaction…"

He didn't clarify whether he would have not said them or merely said them earlier. The confused amusement Ciel could sense suggested the latter. "To answer your questions – do you truly wish to know?"

"W – would I have asked?" He cursed the slight stumble over the words.

"Well. Your answers are – no, I would not eat your soul. It is far too beautiful and darkly intriguing to destroy. I believed for some time that I would 'grow out' of this mindset, but it appears that I truly have changed to the point that I have no interest in you as a meal." He continued on without giving that time to sink in. "The contract, of course, will become nulled should either party violate the terms – though at the moment, this is very difficult to enact. I will _always_ be at your side. And yes, these new developments indicate that you will live considerably longer, provided nothing is allowed to wound you to the point of death." Sebastian smiled, aware that he had missed two questions. "It does not need to have an effect on us at all. That said, it means whatever you say it does."

Ciel's head was spinning. But…

No, this was silly. It shouldn't matter to him as much as it did. He was acting as a child would.

And he didn't know what came over him, really. He only knew that, heart pounding – _why? This was Sebastian, after all – _he leaned forward and up and pressed his lips to the older man's.

He felt surprise – not displeased surprise – from the demon, and Sebastian's lips parted slightly to allow the kiss. Curious now, Ciel deepened the kiss a bit, tracing the other's mouth with his tongue before leaning a bit farther. He didn't know what he was doing, but Sebastian clearly did – he realized that the servant would be smirking if his lips weren't otherwise occupied, coaxing Ciel's mouth open farther.

And it felt… _right, _to kiss Sebastian. They were bound together in every way, now. There could not be one without the other, and it hardly mattered that Ciel didn't have time for weak romance when he already belonged to the demon. He was losing nothing.

And what he stood to gain…

They separated, and Ciel realized dimly that he was wrapped protectively in Sebastian's arms. His red eyes were amused, surprised, and filled with some other emotion the younger boy had no name for.

"Always full of surprises," he murmured. "That is my master – never predictable, and always prepared to embrace the darkness. Beautiful."

Ciel wanted to frown and turn away, argue that this didn't mean anything. But…_ did _it mean something?

Could it?

"It means only as much as you think it does, master," purred Sebastian. A quick brush of lips, and he released him. "I shall never leave – and as you well know, my mind and body are yours to do with as you please."

Ciel scowled because he didn't know how to do anything else. "I –" he shook his head as if to clear it. "This doesn't mean I don't expect you to act as my butler. And you'll still do usual duties."

Laughter. "Of course."

"And –" he broke off with a sigh. Without further words, he turned away. "Just go find me the information."

A gentle hand touched his shoulder, and the demon was gone.


	8. Visitations

**{Sigh} And my promise of faster updates goes unfulfilled. In my defense, I was grounded from anything that used the Internet for some time, and I didn't get to write as much as I thought. But I still apologize for that. **

**I don't own it, as always. **

Ciel kept his face impassive. Perfectly so, as he had learned to do over the years he'd served as the Queen's Guard Dog. Because the news Sebastian had brought was not good.

It seemed that the drug was sold entirely separately from the diamonds. The company that Ciel had pretended to belong to had no knowledge of its existence, nor did other traders in gemstones, or even those who dealt in anything aboard the ship.

This meant that there were no leads save the discovered powder, and though they had all the information Her Majesty had asked for, he couldn't get rid of the feeling that it meant something far more important than the smuggling of a few rocks.

So he had given Sebastian the order to remain a few days more. It wouldn't be a problem, as long as the necessary smuggling was taken care of – that would mean another brawl, unless he let the Yard take care of it – and he reported within the week.

"There has to be some way to trace its path," he sighed, once he had digested all of this. "Some way to find out how it's profitable to them to trade – " he stared out at the night sky, deliberately not meeting Sebastian's eyes. He would not remember what had happened scarcely an hour ago. He would not get distracted now. He would not.

The demon smirked. "Regretting that choice, now?"

"I never said that. Actually, I never _said_ anything. That has to be impolite, looking through someone's mind."

Laughter, along with the feeling that if he had expected a hell-born creature to bother with politeness, he was sadly wrong. Ciel scowled and, as though he had planned to all along, leaned upward until their faces were barely an inch apart. "Remember that nothing has changed. You should know your place." He kissed him, briefly, and it contained the knowledge that the Earl was perfectly willing to use this as a weapon if he needed to.

Sebastian smiled again, almost contented. "Yes, master."

Ciel's nightmares that night were worse than ever. Cold metal, dirty stone, the taste of blood. He did not try to fight them; merely curling against himself and forgetting that there had ever been anything more than the cage. For all he knew, he had never left, never formed a contract, never met what was left of his family. He was reduced to the wraith of a thing, furious and hopeless, without a voice.

But when he awoke, sometime in the early morning, Sebastian laid a gentle hand on his forehead.

"Are you all right?"

Ciel scowled. "I was never anything else." Despite himself, he leaned into the other's hand. "They're getting worse."

Sebastian nodded, helping his master to his feet. "We will not have to stay here for long, however –"

Whatever he was going to say was cut off by a shrill squeal. The door to his rooms burst open.

"CIIIIEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLL!"


	9. Truth

**Onward – and no, I won't apologize for bringing Lizzy back. She's annoying and she misuses exclamation marks, but she really does love Ciel, and it seems like something she would do. Looks like those two will have to deal with her for a while – or at least, until the next chapter. **

**Not mine. All belongs to whomever it belongs to, and that's not me. **

Ciel choked on air, whirled around, and stumbled a bit. Sebastian surreptitiously steadied him again.

"Elizabeth? Why are you – and how did you – and don't you know not to go barging into someone's room?!" He closed his right eye before she had a chance to notice the contract seal, and acted as though he had been awake for hours – a difficult task when he was still in his nightclothes, the remnants of nightmares floating behind his eyes. "At least leave so I can get dressed!"

"I came to see you, Ciel!" She appeared not to notice the command. "You've never stayed away this long without telling me! I was worried! Because after all, it's been a while, and I thought you might need someone else on your side, and I can help, and it'll be an adventure, won't it? After all, I'm going to be your wife, and you can't leave me behind all the time then, you know!"

The last sentence stopped Ciel in his tracks. _Wife. _Of course, with everything that had happened, he hadn't been able to tell her anything.

"I –" he said, blood running cold. "Wait outside while I dress, all right, Lizzy?"

"Mm-hm!" She smiled at him in a flash of sunshine, and waved. "Wear something cute, won't you, Ciel? You always look so adorable when you dress up!"

"Yes, fine." Anything to get rid of her. "I'll call for you soon." As soon as she had left, he turned to Sebastian in a panic. "I never – what are we going to do?"

"Send her back to London, naturally," said the demon, looking unruffled.

"That's not what I meant!" He held out his arms to allow Sebastian to dress him, but didn't stop looking around as though planning to escape out one of the windows. "She wants to marry me!" At the laughter he could see, barely concealed by a smirk, he scowled. "Stop it, this isn't funny!"

"Of course not," said the servant smoothly, though amusement still echoed in his eyes. "Well, you shall simply have to alert her to the fact that you are breaking off the engagement, perhaps under some pretense." He secured the eyepatch around Ciel's right eye, fingers lingering a bit too long.

"Why don't I simply tell the Queen I'm no longer helping her while I'm at it?" he snapped, dropping his head into one hand.

"That is also a possibility," admitted Sebastian. "But we have more pressing problems. As I tried to tell you before the lady interrupted, we won't stay here as long as you thought at first, master. I'm afraid –"

A sudden knock on the door. Apparently, Elizabeth was not finished with her fashion advice. "Did you bring that coat, the silver one? It looks so – "

Ciel groaned. "Later, Sebastian. Come in, Lizzy."

She did so, bouncing slightly on the toes of the high-heeled shoes she so loved. "Ciel! You look adorable! And anyway, I was going to tell you that I want to help. Because soon we'll get married, and then I can go with you, of course, and –"

"I can't marry you," he said flatly.

"And I can make everything cute, and this will just be a bit like it will be, to – wait a moment, what did you say?"

Ciel winced, opened his mouth, closed his mouth, then coughed a bit. "I can't marry you," he muttered uncomfortably.

"But…" Almost instantaneously, her green eyes filled with tears. "What are you – what do you mean? Why not? Ciel… are you all right?"

"I'm fine," he snapped, suddenly feeling lost. He had no idea how to find his way out of this without losing her – perhaps for good. The thought was thorn-sharp, but he scowled it away. "I simply will not marry you. You should understand that." The words were tart and angry, and several tears fell over her cheeks. He flinched. "So go away, Li – Elizabeth. You don't have any reason to follow me anymore."

"But – Ciel – " She reached for his arm.

"Don't touch me so easily!" He would not be moved, even when she turned, tears spilling down her face, and left. The door slammed behind her.

He looked after her, a hint of melancholy in his eye.

Sebastian's hand brushed his arm. Ciel sighed and, contrary to what he had just said, leaned slightly into his side.

"It had to be done. I don't want your pity."

"Nor was I offering it."

"What is it, then?" he angrily tried to turn away, but couldn't bring himself to. After all, even with daylight troubles, his mind was full of shadows. What could it hurt to cling to one more?

After all, the source of light – the _last _source of light – in his life was snuffed out by his own hand. He had nothing left but shadow.

"I believe there is something you should know. Earl Charles Grey is here."

This shocked Ciel into standing tall, shaking off the specters of thought. "_What? _Why? For how long?"

"He arrived early this morning. Apparently, it was on orders from the Queen, but the Yard is now involved with the case. They are undoubtedly now arresting smugglers as we speak."

For a moment, Ciel didn't see the problem with this, besides the loss of the leads for the mysterious powder. Then it hit him.

There was a hysterical teenaged girl undoubtedly running through the streets. A girl who, when upset or threatened enough, was good enough with a sword to dispatch policemen and smugglers alike. A girl who could _not _afford to be noticed by the Queen's butler, lest she be recognized.

"Sebastian," he breathed. "We're going. Find Elizabeth. _Now_. If she is arrested or killed…" he trailed off.

The demon nodded. "Yes, my Lord."


	10. Brawl

**All characters belong to Yana Toboso, not me. I should really start copying and pasting the disclaimers…**

**Enjoy? Oh, and feel free to criticize my portrayal of Grey. I have only the vaguest perception of his character, so I added a bit. Hope it isn't glaringly out-of-character, but I'll need you to tell me if it is. **

"Where is she?" Ciel was mentally kicking himself. He hadn't been this worried for his fiancée – _ex-fiancée_ – since he learned about her skill with swords, but at the moment, that would be what got her in the most trouble. He didn't like thinking what could happen, or what the worst scenario would be – each one presenting itself was worse. Mixing herself up with the smugglers would result in many bodies, as well as possible injuries, but she could be arrested. Worse, Charles Grey – or Phipps, if he was here as well – could recognize her, and he knew quite well that she could be used as a weakness against him. The Queen's butlers were capable with steel, and though Elizabeth had never fought them, Ciel was unsure of who the victor would be.

These thoughts rushed through his head with nothing to cling to. Sebastian frowned and met his eyes, silently trying to calm him down. Though on the outside, the teenaged Earl appeared hardly rattled, he was having trouble forming his usual concise plans.

The deep ruby of the demon's eyes did relax him slightly, and his mind cleared. He thought, for a moment, he felt a surge of realization from the older man, as though Sebastian had suddenly understood something he himself had yet to see.

But there was no time for that, no time at all. He had to _think_, to analyze Lizzy as though she was nothing more than another target.

"She wouldn't have gone back to London," he said. "It's likely she came here without permission, and without telling anyone where she had gone. She would try to talk to me again before giving up and leaving. Sebastian, locate her."

"The lady is at the docks," said Sebastian without hesitation. "We should intercept her quickly, before she has a chance to become entangled with the fighting between the Yard and the smugglers."

"Right." He reached for the pistol. "We're going."

"Master." Sebastian gently touched his cheek. "You are in no state to find – or cause – more bloodshed."

Ciel whirled on him. "Elizabeth is in danger and it is likely my fault. Do I need to make it an order?"

There was a hesitation. "No, sir. We shall go at once."

The teenaged Earl closed his eyes. Despite what he had said, the thought of another firefight was enough like the nightmares of the past to shake him somewhere deep inside. But he had seen worse. He had always seen worse, and he did not require comfort.

So the quick kiss they shared was not done out of a wish for support. He hoped Sebastian was aware of that.

"Let's go."

…

Elizabeth had no idea what she had stumbled upon. Indeed, she had had no idea of where she was going until she found herself in the midst of a brawl.

Tears still stinging her eyes, she looked up in confusion. A rough hand seized her arm, pulling her with him as a human shield. An angry shape wearing the uniform of Scotland Yard followed, and suddenly, she thanked her mother's insistence that she keep swords concealed on her person at all times.

Ducking free from her captor, she tried to run, pulling at the folds of her skirt for the concealed weapons. A policeman glared at her.

"What are you doing here, girl? Get home, this is a police arrest!"

As if she could – her nearest home was hours away by carriage. But the man was right – she shouldn't be here. She needed to get out of the crush of people, and back… somewhere. Anywhere else.

Slashing and keeping the sword at broad ward, she tried to find a way out of the brawl. Sailors grabbed at her, but she was better-armed than most, and she had no fear of them. Elizabeth Midford didn't feel anything except the tears welling in her eyes.

_Ciel, Ciel, Ciel,_ she thought desperately, parrying a strike from a cudgel. _It's not true, you didn't say that. You never would, not my Ciel who laughed with me and danced with me. _

It seemed to her that she fought forever.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the edge of the crowds. At last – she was scraped, and bleeding from a cut on one cheek where some assailant had managed to get a knife past her guard. She could get out, now, find some way out of this mess – get home, or back to her fiancé, and talk to him.

She was only three steps from enough space to run when she collided with a figure dressed in white. Silver eyes glanced down at her with amusement.

"Well, we can't have that," purred Grey. "Your place is _here._"

Elizabeth panted, taking a moment to recognize the figure. "What do you want?" she sniffed, amazed that she still had the energy to cry as the riot raged around her.

"Bait." He shrugged good-naturedly. "Sorry I never got to cross blades with you, but orders are orders."

"What –"

But she was already pushed back into the fray. The Earl bowed and saluted her with his sword. "I have business to attend to. I'll see you in some other world, my lady Elizabeth of Midford."

Lizzy brought her sword up without a second's time to waste as another criminal, blinded by fear, attacked.


	11. Epiphany

**And now, I make a good try to finish this before I leave for a week or two. Now that I have enough ideas, it's actually going quite well. And since I don't think I've thanked everyone who read this, reviewed it, followed it, etc. in a while – and you keep doing it anyway – another thanks, for the encouragement and indirect support. You are quite good motivation.**

**But, yeah. On to the story.**

**This is not mine; it is Yana Toboso's. **

The shouting of the fight could be heard from several roads away. Ciel nodded. "You'd think the Yard would be able to handle this," he muttered. "It's only a few shipsworth of sailors."

"Many of the companies hired guards and trained fighters as protection should this very thing happen," said Sebastian, letting the smaller man climb out of his arms – Ciel hadn't protested this, as it was a necessary means to get to the docks faster. "No doubt they are putting up more of a fight than expected. If we are to avoid the majority of it, we should find the lady and escort her back before matters complicate themselves."

Ciel narrowed his eyes. "You know something you aren't telling me, Sebastian."

"Perhaps so. But at the moment, our priority is to get both you and Lady Elizabeth out of this place. Then this shall be addressed, but the sooner we are back to the manor, the better."

Being left in the dark was a new feeling for Ciel. He did not appreciate it. But there were more important things to do than try to get an answer out of Sebastian.

"Very well. Find her, and get her out of there. I'll keep –" He broke off at the appearance of two figures, and tensed. Sebastian was already prepared with several knives.

"What have we here?" The voice was not the one he had expected. However, Ciel knew it well.

"Don't play games, Grey." The second figure murmured.

"D – Double Charles – " Ciel blinked, and then quickly regained his composure. "Is there a message from the Queen?"

"No – only more orders, ours and yours," said the more talkative Grey with a smirk. "Here, have the letter."

Sebastian leaned forward, snatching the paper with inhuman speed. "I'll take that, thank you." Through the contract bond, he warned Ciel to keep quiet. The teen scowled – they didn't have time for this – but trusted the demon. For now. "My master shall be pleased to serve Her Majesty to the best of his abilities."

"Good to hear," said Grey, smirk unwavering. "Oh, and if I were you, Earl Phantomhive? I'd watch where I went. There's more danger to you in that brawl than there is for that pretty blond slip of yours." He saluted him with the sword. "A word of friendly advice."

Without so much as a sound, the two slid into darkness. Sebastian did not relax.

Ciel half-turned. "What's in that letter?" He didn't have to say what he suspected – indeed, he had caught up to and perhaps surpassed the demon in the conversation that had passed.

"Nothing but empty paper, and a strong dose of the powder found in the ship earlier." His voice was certain, but not upset.

"Of course, they knew you would sense something and take it. But they can't know that you're immune to human drugs – it was an attempt to keep you from doing something. Is it having any effect on you at all?"

"No, it is not." Sebastian narrowed his eyes, which were starting to glow. "However, if I am correct in what effect it will have on a human, the best option would be to leave here, immediately, lest you receive a higher dose."

"_Higher_?" Ciel was not stupid, and he had long since learned to listen for verbal slips. "Explain, Sebastian. Now."

"This drug, when inhaled even in tiny percentages, appears to stimulate the mind in such a way that it replays experiences and memories that caused fear, pain, or fury. Minimal amounts of it will cause nightmares and hazy flashbacks, but the more that one is exposed to, the clearer these become. One full dose will leave the mind in such a state that there is no way to determine what is reality and what is conjured. It would likely be a potent weapon, especially for those who deal in smuggling, as well as a helpful way to incapacitate large numbers at once."

The pieces were appearing, and Ciel didn't much like the picture. He closed his eyes, thinking, and it grew clear. "Of course. They know that you're dangerous and likely more than human. They wished to get rid of you in some way. You would obviously intercept a letter that you thought was dangerous. This would weaken you, leaving me open to attack. Elizabeth – no, they couldn't have known about her. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But more importantly – " He looked to Sebastian, eyes reopening and glimmering with the cold anger that would never be extinguished. "That's why – for so long – they're targeting me as well. Perhaps they thought that if I was too far gone, I'd kill you myself, and they would have no hand in it. You or Elizabeth – Elizabeth." He started – in the weight of the revelation of what had happened to him, he had forgotten.

"The lady is fighting currently," said Sebastian, his head to one side as he listened. "She will be all right for several minutes." He did not seem shocked by the news – of course, he'd realized this hours ago. And 'the sooner we get back to the manor' – that was to prevent more of the drug spreading. It made sense that Ciel would fall to it first, with his too-sensitive lungs, and now that he was here, the servants should be safe.

The Earl Phantomhive nodded and frowned. "We'll get her out. But – was this done on their own or by order of the Queen? And why would she –" no, this was wasting time! "Never mind that! Go get Elizabeth out, that's an order!"

Sebastian nodded. "Yes, my lord."

But of course, it was as he blurred into shadow that he remembered something. They had wanted Sebastian out of commission, as it were, to leave him open to attack.

"I'd watch where I went…" he whispered. There were many things that they could do to him that did not involve putting him in mortal danger. Sebastian would have no warning of a threat to Ciel of that sort.

His hand was already on the pistol when the needle bit into his neck.


	12. Ending

**And I think this is it, guys. More on that later… **

**It's Yana's, not mine. **

Ciel couldn't see. If what he had thought was true, he had only ever inhaled bits of this drug. Injecting it straight to his veins was another thing altogether.

That was his last coherent thought before the imagery hit.

_Grime on the cage walls. Torches beyond, throwing shadow on the faces of the people beyond. The people who smiled behind gruesome masks, murmured among themselves, said – _

"Well then, Phipps. Let's stay and watch the show, can't we?"

"We have orders."

"Orders to get the drug to him, incapacitate whatever he has serving him, and arrange an accident to the hell-thing while it's so weak it can't fight back against a puny human male. We _did _that, Phipps. Let's stay for a few minutes, we can go when it wears off."

_And no, that wasn't right. Wasn't there a reason he should fight this? But… fight what? How? _

_The torches swayed, and he saw that there was blood on the hands of some of them, the blood of who or what he didn't know, but they reached for him, and he struggled to get away, and they jeered at him, and pulled him struggling from the cage as he yelled, reopened the cuts on his back and made the brand throb. And they spoke no more, but one growled a feral, furious sound that was inhuman, and there were sounds of a fight, startled cries cut off by blood. _

_And one of them leaned toward him with a smile that promised dark things, things that would make him wish for death before they ended, and it opened its mouth – it spoke in a high, garish voice – _

"Ciel! Ciel, what happened, are you all right? Please, open your eyes, Ciel! I forgive you for what you said to me, I don't have to marry you, open your eyes, what's happening to you? Please, Ciel…"

_And its face behind the mask was contorted in some fury, as it slammed against him, and he realized that no, he was not quite the same, because now he had a gun. And he reached for it as he heard the blood of some other child hit the walls and floor, and the snarling of some animal stopped, but it was too late to stop him, and his hand found the trigger and the thing fell, blood falling from its head and hitting him. And as it fell it whispered something, but he did not hear, because there were more now, another, and it caught him up and despite his struggles, despite shooting bullet after bullet, it did not stop. And he yelled for Sebastian but nothing happened, there was nothing. And it murmured things, and he would never break free, he was trapped here forever, in this place of blood and bodies and sacrifices – _

He didn't know how long it took for the shapes to shimmer. The arms holding him became familiar, immovable ones. The walls and floor of the room became rough brick and cobblestone.

"Master." The voice was quiet and uncharacteristically shaken.

Ciel clung to the demon – not a slight touch, or a moment's hesitation. He clung to Sebastian as though he was the only certain thing in his world. If he had remembered how to cry, he would have – as it was, he simply sat atop the other man and clung to his shoulders, shaking. There were no other sounds – the brawl had ended long before. Sebastian simply held him closer.

"Why didn't you come when I called for you?" His voice was angry, yes, but broken and quivering as well.

"I did," said Sebastian simply.

"No – "

Suddenly, it hit him. If Sebastian had been there… He struggled to turn and face the other way, back towards the docks, only to find Sebastian restraining him.

"Master, you should – "

"Let me go! I order you, let me go!" A sort of fear he had not faced in years was writhing in his chest. As soon as the demon's arms fell away, Ciel ran. He was sore and bruised, but it was only a few feet to go.

Yes. He knew this had happened. Somewhere, in some part of his mind, he had known what he had done.

This didn't stop the broken cry that escaped his lips as he fell to his knees beside her.

Elizabeth never had a chance. He had shot her to the head as one would a dog.

Even in death, she was beautiful, blood staining her blonde curls – but the green eyes that were always so happy held a pain he had never seen.

Yes. She knew who had killed her. She had tried to apologize, she had tried to help him, and she had seen him fire the shot that ended her life.

"Lizzy!" His voice broke. "Lizzy, wake up! Lizzy, it's all right, it's –"

No. He had never been able to lie to her. "Lizzy!" It was more of a scream, and Sebastian was by his side now, but he hit his hands away.

"Wake up. Please wake up. I never meant to, please wake up, how can I make things right if you don't? Elizabeth, you were so beautiful, and I'm so – I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't love you and I know now what I did to you. Lizzy I'm so sorry, please, I'll say it as much as you want if you'll only be all right, don't look like that, it's not – it's not _cute, _damn you, how do you expect to look good again if you don't wake up?" He shook her by the shoulders frantically, but her head only lolled, and the look of pain in her eyes did not end.

"LIZZY!"

And it was there, kneeling by the body of a girl in a rose dress, that he remembered how to cry.

Sebastian held him, and he didn't bother fighting. He knelt beside his last family and cried himself out in the arms of a demon, relishing each tear as something to tell her, somewhere, that he was sorry.

By the time he spoke again, he was ice-cold.

"Which one of them administered the drug?"

"The both of them are dead." Sebastian gently traced the path of a tear down his cheek.

"You should have left them to me." His voice held no doubts, and the servant did not question him on that point.

"What shall we do now, master?"

Ciel shook his head. "We will return to the manor. Her Majesty may have tried to break me, but she did not succeed. I suppose we will have more to watch out for on our next assignment… perhaps we will end up in the palace itself. And should we stumble across her…"

His voice was dead and flat. Ciel knew he should speak of high treason with more emotion.

He could not.

A thin hand closed Elizabeth's eyes. Her body would be returned to her family to be given a funeral.

Ciel nodded. "Give me the letter."

Sebastian did so. Careful not to breathe in the smoke, Ciel set it aflame with a small flint.

As the smoke of the drug rose, it left behind a smell he knew well. A smell very similar to that of burning flesh.

The demon pressed something into his hand – it was a jet-black rose, showing no hint of wilt after all the days that had passed. Its distinct scent mixed with that of the smoke.

And as the seventeen-year-old Earl Phantomhive allowed his lips to meet Sebastian's, he already knew that he would never forget the smell.

**Fin**

**Yes, it's over. It's been long, exhausting, and worth every minute it took to write, to me at least. You I can't speak for, but I hope it stays with you, at least a little. That's why I write, really.**

**No, I didn't kill Lizzy off for the sake of Sebastian/Ciel. I wanted something to happen at the end that would rival even what Ciel has already been through. I actually admire Lizzy, though she might be annoying, and it pained me to kill her. **

**And most of all? **

**To everyone who read this – you are what got this story written. If I didn't know what people read it, I would have stopped writing at chapter four, if not earlier. **

**So you have my thanks – my true thanks. **

**- Seen and Unseen. Ari. A girl perhaps too much like Ciel herself, who writes because she wants to leave a mark on the world. **


End file.
